Take the Anniversary Weekend Quiz! Were you there? Do you remember what you did? Do you remember what other people did to you?
1. You are Dudley, and you decided to wear a plastic garbage bin on your head while riding a scooter because:
a) Your skull is so thick that you don't need the protection of a real helmet.
b) Life without risks is like a hot tub without naked people in it.
c) You heard Canadian nurses have really big tits.
d) It was the only thing you found in the hotel room that was big enough to
fit your giant noggin.
2. You are Rose eh, and you started the Friday night run on the steps of the Don Jail because:
a) You wanted to see just how fast fatboys in tacky dresses can really run.
b) Everyone knows that harriettes can't resist a man in uniform - especially
if his gun is cocked and loaded.
c) If you're in prison, no one can ask you when the buses are leaving.
d) Your imaginary friend, Officer Baxter, said you could.
3. You are Moonman, and you hired a belly-dancer for Friday night's beer check because:
a) You were sure the pack wouldn't molest her.
b) You were sure the pack wouldn't try to grind with her.
c) You were sure the pack wouldn't generally scare the hell out of her.
d) You knew the pack would molest her, grind with her and generally scare the
hell out of her. But it's not like she's your sister, so who the hell cares?
4. You are Mr. Jackson, and you "fell asleep" in the hall outside your hotel room because:
a) Elephant Dick borrowed your walker and you couldn't make it any farther.
b) Cabana Boy didn't make it up to Hogtown this year and someone had to take
his place on the floor.
c) You were hoping some bimbo might feel sorry for you and offer you a sympathy
lay.
d) Your roommate was getting lucky and dead-bolted the door so you wouldn't
be able to watch.
5. You are Tub Slut and Laa-Laa, and you got lost on Saturday's trail because:
a) You forgot to look for trail marks and all the trees in Canada look the
same.
b) The previous evening's Sambuca was affecting your digestive system and you
wandered off trail to ensure your bodily evacuations wouldn't scare off any
harriettes.
c) You wanted to go into the woods to see if teddy bears really do have picnics.
d) You're both dumb-asses.
6. You are Fart, and you sprained your ankle on Saturday's trail because:
a) Beer is more fun when you're on strong painkillers.
b) Being drunk is more fun when you're teetering on crutches.
c) The trail was too d*mn long and you wanted some muscular harrier to carry
you the rest of the way.
d) Since there's no such thing as a muscular harrier, you were hoping a fatboy
would carry you the rest of the way instead.
7. You are an Ottawa hasher, and you decided to wear Depends instead of pants to Saturday's party because:
a) You wanted to know what it would be like to be Rumson for a day.
b) Going to the men's room is highly overrated and cuts into your time on the
dance floor.
c) All of the diapers you tried on at Shoppers Drug Mart were too small.
d) This is the only place where you can wear Depends without being arrested
for indecent exposure.
8. You are Dick Traci, and you decided to wear the Tour-de-Chug jersey as pants because:
a) The Blue Fairy told you to do it.
b) You suddenly realized you were completely naked and got all self-conscious.
c) You have no fashion sense and Chemical wasn't there to dress you.
d) It was the only way TuTu would let you keep the Tour-de-Chug jersey. Permanently.
9. You are BallWrinkle, and you let men give you hickeys during Saturday's party because:
a) You promised to bring home a surprise for the kids.
b) They last longer than henna tattoos.
c) The beer goggles were working particularly well and you thought Calvin Klimax
was really your wife without any make-up on.
d) As long as there's a beer in your hand, someone could be sodomizing you and
you probably wouldn't notice.
10. You are the Roving Bank of Assholes, and you break into Sex Toy's room by mistake because:
a) You'd rather see Sex Toy naked than Tutu.
b) Even with all of your collective synapses firing, you still don't have enough
brain matter to be called the "Smart Roving Band of Assholes".
c) Hotel room doors all look the same. Tents, on the other hand, come in a variety
of different shapes and colours.
d) In BallWrinkle's world, 109 and 209 are the same number.
11. You are Moon, and you didn't make it to the Hogtown weekend because:
a) You're gay.
b) You were busy building a remote-controlled anal-probe on wheels for "Robot
Wars".
c) You accidentally glued your clothes to your body and couldn't get naked.
d) You were renovating your house and knocked out a supporting wall. And you're
gay.
Results:
If you answered zero questions "D":
You were at the Hogtown Anniversary weekend. Unfortunately you passed out Friday
morning and didn't wake up until Sunday afternoon. Hope you didn't have to use
bleach to get the permanent marker off your face. Don't worry about the rest
of your body. The hair will eventually grow back. We promise.
If you answered some questions "D":
You were at the Hogtown Anniversary weekend. However it appears you have blocked
out certain memories of this event. Lucky for you, we have a number of photos
that will quickly jog your memory and remind you exactly why you woke up to
find all of those cute little gerbils in your hotel room. All you have to do
is ask.
If you answered all questions "D":
You were definitely at the Hogtown Anniversary weekend. And you obviously weren't
drinking enough because you remember far too many details. Four out of 5 doctors
who bought their degrees on the Internet say this kind of lifestyle is damaging
to your health. Please drink heavily at all future Hashing functions to ensure
that you humiliate yourself as much as the rest of us regularly do. Keep in
mind: If you can't remember doing it, it never happened.
On On
H2Ho