Another Monday, another trail…
As we circled up in front of O’Hara’s, the pack realized that a yet untapped source of hashing virgins existed in the city of Toronto. In fact one such possible recruit was standing right outside the circle. He seemed to fit the hasher profile exactly. He was extremely pleased, if not exuberant, to find out that we were running for beer and seemed willing to join the circle immediately. He was already prepared for any shiggy the trail might offer, having arrived in torn and dirty clothes. And he obviously hadn’t showered in days (why bother cleaning up if you’re just going to get dirty again anyway?). On top of that, he was already quite drunk and smelled ever so slightly of urine. Just another typical Hogtown harrier…
Unfortunately our new friend seemed to have forgotten his shoes and decided not to run trail with us that evening. This turn of events was very disappointing for all of the harriettes present, especially Giggles who repeatedly voiced her displeasure. Perhaps another time…
Following the trail of flour, the pack soon found itself in the now familiar surroundings of High Park. It was here that we discovered that our dear hare (Shampoo) had found a new and amazingly lazy way to lay trail. He just used the marks that F.L.A.B. and Moonman had lain the previous week.
Back at the bar the pack began ordering food and beverages. This seemed to greatly annoy our waitress who appeared to have her hands full with the 5 other patrons who were already there. As I stood by the bar and attempted to avoid her You’re-Ordering-From-The-Bartender-Instead-Of-Me Death Stare, one onlooker approached me and asked why the hares had decided to have the On In "in a place like this." I assured this concerned customer that the pack was quite accustomed to eating and drinking in low class establishments, as it was less likely we’d be kicked out for creative and unexpected behaviour. And while we appeared to be people of high character and repute, the opposite was in fact much closer to the truth. Heeding my warning, the bystander and his wife soon vacated their seat leaving more room for the pack and less work for the waitress.
The conversation soon turned to the subject of Hogtown’s bid for InterAmericasHash 2005. I’m fairly certain that nothing intelligent was said (seeing as this was a half-mind discussion). So I’d like to take this opportunity to do my part for the IAH2005 campaign by submitting a list of proposed Hogtown bid slogans:
-----
Hogtown for IAH2005
Experience history in the making!
Come visit our country before it becomes the 51st State.
-----
Is that the CN Tower, or are you just happy to see me?
Hogtown for IAH2005
Come see what the erections are all about.
-----
Is Rose Eh always a b*tch?
Hogtown for IAH2005
The truth is up here.
-----
Have you ever seen an igloo in August?
Well neither have we, you Dumb-Ass!!!
Hogtown for IAH2005
-----
Hogtown for IAH2005
We get .69 on your dollar!
Come find out what that really means.
-----
"Hey, you hosers! How’s it goin’, eh?"
Come up and learn to speak Canuck.
Hogtown for IAH2005
-----
We may not have any sheep, but we sure have lots of beavers!
Come watch them eat wood.
Hogtown for IAH2005
-----
[Well, that creative effort just killed off one of my brain cells. Now the other one is lonely. Hope this is enough to get me fired from the IAH2005 bid Marketing Team.]
New Shoez, substituting as the GM, handed out the following down downs:
Shampoo – for being the hare
Kazoo, Wet Pussy and Just Meryl – for
back-sliding
New Shoez and Spanks For The Mammaries – for FRBing
Spanks For The Mammaries – for saying, "Let’s race!"
Giggles – for showing up in her suit
Kazoo – for showing up dressed like a normal human being
Moonman – for overachieving (cycling to the hash)
New Shoez – bounce back – for accusing H2Ho of
talking during the circle (I was recruiting)
Easy Bush – for urinating on a fire hydrant
Moonman and Shampoo – because their trails overlapped
New Shoez – for having a woody in the circle
Sex Toy and Wet Pussy – for disappearing into
the woods together
Iced F*cket – for wearing a pair of Converse
Mrs. Robinson – for having the biggest rash
Just Erin – for being Shampoo’s friend and for
not running trail
On On
H2Ho