Monday, December 17, 2001
Start Location: Mad Monty's 2655 Yonge St
Hare: Birdbrian

It was one of those days that made me happy to be alive!

No, not really, you morons. It was one of those days where I didn't even want to get out of my warm bed, never mind go outdoors. One of those days that made we wonder why the hell I was living in Toronto, instead of a city where the temperature stays above zero at least eight months out of the year. One of those days where I'd rather be poking a three-ton rhino in the eye with a very sharp stick than running outside…

As I stared out the window, I could see that it was very cold and the rain was still falling. It had been falling that way all day. Gispert was obviously pissed at us for something. Maybe Hogtown's collective flatulence had finally ripped a big enough hole in the ozone layer so that even the great "G" himself could smell the noxious fumes. Maybe he'd lost his earplugs and couldn't take Rose Eh's bitching anymore. Maybe Shadow's colossal, continual and endlessly creative stupidity had finally convinced him that Hogtown should be permanently wiped off the face of the hashing Earth.

I didn't really know why he was angry. And I didn't really care. I just wanted the rain to stop.

Something would have to be done.

In a feeble attempt to appease Gispert's wrath, I arrived at the start location early and ordered a pint of beer. Birdbrian (our hare) was already there with his "roommate" New Shoez. As soon as I arrived, Birdbrian informed me that due to the rain the trail was going to be a live hare and proudly displayed the egg-shaped Crayola chalk he had just stolen from some small child outside of the local Toys R Us. (That's our Birdbrian. Always looking out for new ways to save a buck or two!)

My thoughts turned back to the live hare trail. It seemed to me that the last trail set by our GM was live as well (supposedly due to rain). Was this just a crazy coincidence? No - that was highly doubtful. It was much more probable that our GM was hoping some cute FRBing harriette might catch him on trail and be forced to strip him naked.

However it was quite unlikely that any of the Hogtown harriettes would be FRBing tonight. In fact, it was much more probable that BirdBrian was going to be caught and de-clothed by New Shoez or Wet Pussy.

The pack soon circled up. Here we were introduced to Pierro, a visiting hasher from Albania, and Just Alex (who had been tricked into coming by Gentile Ben). Pierro decided to make an immediate and lasting impression by scaring the hell out of an innocent civilian when he attempted to throw his backpack into her car (instead of Mrs. Robinson's). The pack's uproarious laughter probably did nothing to lessen her fears. Her tires screeching, she soon drove her white Cadillac out of sight.

As we stood outside, I noticed it had finally stopped raining.

Soon the pack was off. Since this trail was set in the North end of Toronto, I don't really know where we went. However I know the pack did get lost several times - once in a park and once near the Glendale campus. (I can only assume that BirdBrian really didn't want New Shoez and Wet Pussy to catch him after all.)

We finally reached the beer check. Being a considerate hare, BirdBrian had decided that a cold and wet night would be the perfect time to set a BC outdoors. As we stood in the middle of the dark park, drinking leftover beer from Hogtown's 14th Anniversary Weekend, some half-minds were distracted by two partially melted snow forts. Trivial Prick seemed especially taken by these toys and the pack had a great deal of difficulty convincing him to return to the On In.

Back at Mad Monty's, down downs were handed out to the following half-minds:

Birdbrian - for being the hare
New Shoez - for being an inept hash throat
Iced Fucket - for not running
Just Alex - for being a virgin
Pierro - for visiting from Albania
Spanks for the Mammaries - for telling away stories
Wet Pussy and Iced Fucket - for finally picking up their 14th Anniversary tags
Dr. DooLittle - for imitating Bo Derek
Pierro - for Grand Theft Auto
Rose Eh - because it was her B-day

On On
H2Ho