St. Louis Bar and Grill (2007-08-25)

August 25 2007

Another case of the lates on Saturday. However this seems to have been part of Johnny Cockring's master plan. Had everyone arrived and departed by the usual "20 after" he would have missed the biggest bonanza of his ambulance chasing career. Instead a 4 car pileup falls into his lap. After checking the crash scene for survivors (and behind the seats for loose change), he passed out his business cards, gave a quick briefing on faking whiplash for fun and profit, and trundled across Dufferin Street into Garthdale Park.

Hard to imagine much more excitement than that, until Sweet Cheeks discovered a cell of Abu Sayyaf terrorists training by their clandestine bitter melon fields. After disarming them of their RPGs and relieving them of some lumpia and lechon he limped on to the beer check, muddied trumpet in hand. Thanks to his quick thinking, Downsview is a much safer place.

Soon we were all gathered at the beer check in a grove of trees off Finch. Even those who chose to follow the hare Halfwit, under the mistaken belief that she would know the way, got there eventually. Ever the teacher she explained "the water wasn't that deep before the torrential downpour". No shit, Sherlock!

At this point some of the keeners lobbied for more while the rest of the half minds pleaded for mercy. Halfwit sided with the keeners and proceeded to lay a live trail through G Ross Lord Park and Westminster Cemetery. She was almost out of sight when the restless pack set after her.

It's the first time I've run through a cemetery with a gravedigger. It's amazing the stuff you miss. 6" Under even offered free burial for all hashers who perished on trail and said he'd throw in a temporary headstone to boot. I'm holding out for Muskoka granite.

Back at St Louis Bar and Grill, SS Crash visiting from Buffalo locked his keys in his car and had to call 1-800 Porn Star for help opening the doors. I thought that was a novel approach cuz usually in this area of North York we just use a brick. Also present from North Tonawanda H3 were Mount Me in the Mud and Good to Goo or sumpin like that. They shared with us a knowing grin as if to say this isn't the first time SS Crash had fucked up.

We were also blessed with another visitor from Addis Ababa H3. With her lovely countenance and easy going manner she's clearly not cut out to hash with this pathetic bunch. She refused to divulge her hash name so the next time we are graced by her presence I say we dig deep into our vaults for an extra special name... if you know what I mean.

As our twin GM's were absent Shampoo yielded being temporary GM to Rose Eh on the grounds that his hangover was assuredly more vicious than hers.  Apparently Moist Leatherette had told him prior to the previous evening's Hogan's Hash not to come home until he was good and drunk (and the pool boy had left.)

Still no word on our AWOL GM's but Ra was probably entertaining crowds at the buskerfest by making entire databases disappear while popping, and Wet 'n Dirty was likely busy at home baking a cherry cream pie or sumpin.