Shoeless Joe's

September 22, 2007

Prior to starting last Saturday’s trail at Shoeless Joes, Wet ‘n Dirty got into a staring contest with Back Door Buzz. The results are disputed, with each claiming victory. Buzz is apparently the only person on the planet who thinks you can blink in a staring contest and still win. Nice to see some new talent including Andrew, a head from Australia, who thought this was gonna be some sort of Burning Man freak show. He came well prepared with a camelback filled with vodka. Also attending were shy and indistinguishable new boots Melanie and Tiffany.

After a few words from co-hares Ra and H2HO, trail headed through trendy Liberty Village eventually passing 999 Queen. Here Shadow ill advisedly stated that the trail must turn south through the CNE. This was a cue for the rest of the pack to head north. Will he ever learn?

Entering Trinity Bellwood’s Park I noticed Rose Eh had found a new friend. Turns out it was a puppet singing an ode to Canadian banks in her honour. Being a natural born sceptic I kept waiting for blatant religious morality overtones. Y’know... like the lame ass puppet shows at Sunday school? Blessedly there were none. This was just another run of the mill, foul mouthed, smart assed, street puppet. Must admit I giggled when it yelled “On On”. With such a filthy gob he woulda made a good hasher... if he had feet instead of a hand shoved up his ass.

Heading back to the beer check Back Door Buzz sought revenge for the staring contest and got into a competitive sprint with gazelle like Wet ‘n Dirty. Then Johnny Cockring (not gazelle like) decided he wanted a piece of the action. He got dusted too.

The beer check and down downs were held at the aptly named Tasty Restaurant; a great little Sri Lankan cantina at Queen and Dufferin. The beer was cheap, the food was great, and judging by the shady characters hanging around, they could be doing more in the kitchen than cooking thali. As the sacred drinking vessel had been unceremoniously left on the floor of the Café Mistral, down downs got under way with pedestrian pub glasses. Not until later did Humpday shock one and all by whipping it out from under the table!

Down Downs were interrupted briefly as Wet ‘n Dirty... wait for it... obstreperously eructed and promptly forgot why she had brought backslider Johnny Cockring forward.

Down downs were also given to either Melanie or Tiffany who had sore knees and looked like she was swallowing ummm... paste as she chugged. I’ve always maintained that this hash needs more hot, young chicks who can’t handle their beer.

Congratulations and a down down were awarded to Aims Low, new Duhhh Queen Bee. As part of her campaign she promised to have a trail like, every other day by the end of her reign. Hey Aims Low... ya might wanna aim a little lower... like with a new recruit or two.

Ceremonies proceeded smoothly until Wet ‘n Dirty accused Humpday of using the equivalent of Coles notes and still repeating hash hymns. Honestly… 4 fricken pitchers of down downs… but who’s counting. No wonder the co GM’s needed a time out.