Duke of York

October 20, 2007

This trash is dedicated to Russell Hoffman R.I.P. and to all my dear friends who helped me piece together the events of last Saturday evening.

Arriving at the Duke of York Tavern I was delighted to see childhood hero Sweet Daddy Siki in da house. Also present were a nice mix of regulars and visitors including Rambo, Doofus White Boy, Read My Lips, Mr. Peeeeenut and some chick from the Chemical Waste Hash in Sarnia.

Before the hash started, Just Dan and Mr. Siki got the joint jumping with a bitchin’ karaoke version of Everybody’s Talkin‘. Apparently castrato, Just Dan even hit the high notes at the end.
At chalk talk, Doofus White Boy proclaimed his home hash the greatest ever. Ummm… we took care of him later. After introductions, hare Humpday sped off to the nearby beer store for a couple travellers while the pack wandered down Memory Lane. (Perhaps Humpday shoulda skipped the travellers.) It wasn’t long before the keeners arrived at the Peach Schnapps check in a culvert by Cam Fella Lane. (Perhaps Humpday shoulda skipped the Peach Schnapps.) Here misguided schoolmarm Halfwit promptly gathered up all the skin mags which the hare had lovingly left behind earlier. Apparently she didn’t want to offend the delicate sensibilities of the visiting hashers.

Chased from the Schnapps Check by an enthusiastic security guard, the pack continued south through the abandoned skateboard park, across to the Fire Academy and then into the Portlands. It took a while but the hounds finally pounced on the beer beside an abandoned railway track behind the new Canadian Tire store.

Since it was a beautiful autumn day, and the hare still had a few travellers left, it was decided to hold circle outdoors. Unfortunately Johnny Cockring had been hijacked on trail by his former rugby team. (He wasn‘t a player… he was the towel boy.) Fortunately Ironman Drinks Like a Girl showed up to take his place in the circle. After down downs for visitors, travellers, assorted infractions and an aborted attempt to name Just Dan, we strolled back to the Duke.

This is where things started to get a little blurry… like someone might have slipped a couple of roofies into my down down beer. My guess is either Just Dan or Back Door Buzz.

Never fear however because it all came back to me early Sunday afternoon as I downloaded 47 previously unnoticed pix from my cellphone camera. Anyway here is a brief synopsis of what happened as I stood grazing beside the Duke’s kitchen window waiting for the roofies to kick in.

Lotsa great and not so great karaoke.
Wet ‘n Dirty talking to the undead.
Wet ‘n Dirty apologizing to the widow of the undead.
Shampoo passing the hat to raise money to bury the undead.
The incredible generosity of hash attorney Johnny Cockring.

Here is a brief synopsis of what happened after the roofies kicked in.

Stumbling outta the back of Rose Eh’s hash mobile.
Resisting the temptation to get on stage at Jilly’s.
Abandoning visitor Doofus White Boy on Church Street.
Getting dragged on stage in a tranny bar and coming in last (no pun intended) in a fake orgasm contest.
Waking up Sunday at the crack of noon with the mother of all hangovers.