Toby’s

December 24, 2007

Twas the night before Christmas...

As I strolled into Toby’s I was surprised to see Edmontonian Snow Goose enjoying a pint. Beside him was what I assumed to be his last Christmas purchase. Further investigation however revealed that he had left home without his kicks and had to stop at the House of the Great Satan for some replacements. Poor fella.
I have mixed emotions about Toby’s. It’s not exactly quaint but it does have $10 pitchers of Steam Weasel and an eclectic music mix. In fact, where else could you see Shadow and Humpday staring into each other’s eyes while singing Olivia Newton-John’s “I Honestly Love You”? I almost wept.

The rest of the ten or so half minds were focusing on the foxy boxing on the tube. Much to their surprise the undercard featured Rose Eh and Halfwit. At least it looked like them. Rose Eh won in a TKO.

In the absence of our GM, Moist Leatherette assumed the reins of power. After a brief chalk talk the pack took off in the direction of an eerily deserted Yorkville. Only the befuddled panhandlers remained. You know times are tough when they ask notoriously tight wad hashers for spare change. Of course maybe they had heard that hash philanthropist Johnny Cockring would be making an appearance.

Down Bay Street, around the College Park skating rink and back up Church Street an apparently legally blind Snow Goose led the way in his beaming new shoes. In fact the only thing that slowed him down was a very tall, leggy blond getting in a cab across from Zelda’s on Church Street. What a drag.

A quick beer check at the cosy Artful Dodger, a stop at COD’s perfectly placed bag wagon, and we headed back to Toby’s. Here Moist Leatherette distracted Snow Goose while Humpday slipped on his left sneaker for proper seasoning.

Moist Leatherette, a frustrated fashion designer, handed out sartorial related down down’s. First there was Flyer for dressing like a crossing guard, Humpday for channelling a snowboarder and Sweet Cheeks for ditching the tight, high-rider shorts for one night. Yay. Of course the last down down was reserved for Snow Goose. With several mouthfuls of beer, a hint of Eau de Humpday, and a few extra condiments thoughtfully added by Flyer he mustard up the courage and drank it down. Apparently he didn’t relish taste and figured it might ketchup with him later. What a hot dog!

... and to all a good night.