Spotted Dick

February 18, 2008

Walking to the hash last night I noticed that longtime Hogtown watering hole Toby’s was closed. I’d only just finished grieving the loss of the decidedly downscale and hash friendly Unique Bar. It's almost too much for one to beer.

At Roy's Square I bumped into hash postman Shadow who was disgruntled cuz he had to work when most of us were sitting in bars celebrating Family Day.

It was a nice crowd of 15 or so who greeted us at the Spotted Dick. One face I didn’t recognize was Just Jen, an immigrant from Waterdown and a friend of Drinks like a Girl. More importantly I didn’t see hare for the day Wet Pussy and his promised bag of gifts. Apparently he had waited until cover of night to mug some poor unsuspecting (more likely napping) City employee and steal his can of florescent orange utility marking paint.

It was a live hare so 10 minutes after Wet Pussy set off, the hashers gathered outside for chalk talk. After introductions the pack took off eventually heading to Yorkville where the clever hare had employed a homeless person to direct us through the Nike Building and then hit us up for spare change. Good luck with that, buddy. Of course well known ranger Shadow never even made it that far.

The trail zipped past the ROM, through the U of T and Queen’s Park eventually leading to a poorly oriented BN clearly meant to obfuscate the true direction of the amber nectar and tease the thirsty pack. While sitting with Wet Pussy at the Duke of Gloucester I was gob smacked to see Shampoo and Moist Leatherette doing pretty decent imitations of FRB’s trudging up the stairs. At the other end of the spectrum was Johnny Cockring who showed up 15 minutes after everyone else but had amazingly managed to navigate the entire trail on his own.

Returning to the Spotted Dick, legally blind Humpday seized the royal mace and proceeded to hand out down downs to visitors Robin Wood, Give the Bitch a Ring and Just Jen. Also hit were COD and Sex Toy for not running trail, New Shoez for drinking the other brown sugary drink and Shadow for blabbing about it, and Moonman for dreaming about shooting Japanese children with a handgun. Moonman also accused Cougar and Give the Bitch a Ring of smoking on trail (or was it for being “smokin'" on trail?) and labelled Rose Eh Bitch of the Week (what else is new?) for some lame ass infraction.

The acting GM probably would have singled out Wet Pussy for not delivering on his promised gifts but at the last moment he pulled out some confections which he picked up at the local Shopper's. Nice save, dude. Johnny Cockring received a Turtle for being slow, prospective book pedlar Moist Leatherette got an Oh Henry, which is apparently what she screams out to Shampoo late on Saturday nights, and shy and retiring Robin Wood got the Mr. Big to which Shadow added "mouth". I think even Wet 'n Dirty would declare that Zing worthy!