East York Town Centre

May 3, 2008

Something has to be done about Drinkslikeagirl and his proselytizing. Yet another hasher has crossed over to the dark side and accepted a position with the House of the Great Satan. No less than our much beloved former GM Wet Pussy. Come back dude. It’s not too late. All is forgiven.

Arrived at the Town Centre yesterday just as East York was struck by one of its famous monsoons. No, wait a second... that’s Pakistan. My bad. As buckets of rain came down, the precious lot retreated to their hash mobiles as our more than clever GM conducted a conference call to discuss plans for the Ark. One person was not allowed to partake in the call as we couldn’t understand a fricken word he said. He just mumbled that his name was Abu Beaver or sumpin’ and that the weather was like a nice summer day in his native Newcastle.

About 5:30 the rain subsided enough to leave our shelters and congregate for chalk talk. This was promptly interrupted by a two vehicle personal injury car accident which heralded the arrival of hash ambulance chaser Johnny Cockring QC.

After Rose Eh demonstrated how flour dissipates in the rain, the assembly headed north along Thorncliffe Park Drive. As anticipated, marks were harder to find than hares for a TWAT. Eventually though, with help from our hare, we found the hill down into Seaton Park and began practicing our mud surfing. Despite her years as a snowboarder, Wet ‘n Dirty managed a spectacular wipe-out which apparently resulted in a large skid mark on her underthingys. Ummm... are you sure that was mud?

Crossing over several poorly barricaded bridges (sorry about that Parks and Rec) we finally hit asphalt which gave us a chance to scrape 2 kilos of accumulated mud off each shoe. Casket Case however jumped in the nearest puddle and decided to share it with Rose Eh and Humpday. I’m not sure what was more fun; watching Abu Beaver actually run the trail or listening to Sex Toy, Cougar and Wet Pussy tell side splitting knock knock jokes?

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Isabelle

Isabelle who?

Is a belle necessary on a bike?

Ooow... my ribs! Stop it! No more... please!

Arriving back at the plaza we noticed that gazelle-like Wet 'n Dirty had gone missing. No great loss we thought. She’s only GM for 5 more hashes. Unfortunately it turned out that she had actually sped ahead and finished so early that she was able to take a long overdue beauty nap in the back of her SUV.

Circle was held after the trail Chez Rose Eh. Down downs were given out for the usual infractions including Abu Beaver for bringing the brutal British weather, Johnny Cockring for missing a lap dance at McVeigh’s, Shadow for not ranging and Humpday and Johnny Cockring for pretending they were gonna do 10K the next morning. Had Moist Leatherette and Shampoo not left early they would have received one for ummm... leaving early.

Rose Eh took advantage of having the crowd in her pad to unload some old hash t shirts. They were gobbled up like Christmas dinner. Her reward? Hashers left their old, smelly, muddy, hats, shoes and clothes on her doorstep? Tee hee.

Sorry Back Door Buzz, for yet another week you were not deemed trashworthy.