Tranzac Club

May 26, 2008
It’s tough to walk by the Brunswick without stopping in for a 25 cent glass of draught but I had a date at the Tranzac (Toronto Australia and New Zealand) Club. I was also scared off by the dress code posted in the window. The Brunny has a dress code? WTF?

Moonman was alone in the Southern Cross Room as I arrived. Bass player for Ultimate and the Assholes, he arrived early to ensure a good seat for Pale and Friendless, the evening’s entertainment. He needn’t have rushed though cuz the only other people in the room were the girlfriends of Pale and Friendless. At least half their name was correct.

Anyway, eventually Rose Eh appeared. Her hair wasn’t nearly as bad as she had described.

Upon getting shhh’d for making too much noise during the sound check the pack headed to the CODmobile to drop their bags. We were gobsmacked to see that he has a bitchin’ new Dodgy Caravan. I didn’t know the Bag Wagon position paid so well. After instructions from the hare, the mob headed south in the general direction of Chinatown. After passing through the Kensington Green P, Casket Case magically appeared. Apparently he decided to celebrate the first day of Bike Month by having his Supercycle nicked.

While New Shoez and Flyer set the pace, and Wet 'n Dirty checked to make sure that every “false” was marked, we headed up one alley after another. Behind Sneaky Dee’s Wet 'n Dirty was invited to share a bottle of Labatt Black Ice with the local intelligentsia. She respectfully declined. I think she was holding out for some potato water. It was here that I lost sight of New Shoez. I later learned that he had taken time out to feed some hungry pussies. A short ummm, sprint up Croft Street, and a lap around Central Tech and we found the beer check at the eclectic Green Room.

As Pale and Friendless were still tuning up at the Tranzac it was decided to stay at the friendly and tolerant Green Room for Circle. While Humpday snorted lines off the table (maybe it’s time for an intervention dude) GM Wet 'n Dirty dispensed the down downs. Along with the usuals, COD got one for buying us a new Bag Wagon, Casket Case for consorting with the fuzz, and Shadow for not so pre-mature Alzheimer disease. All assembled then sat back and enjoyed pints and some bloody good cheap food at a fair dinkum price.

As a special treat the stragglers headed to the laneway out back as Humpday (Riff) and Casket Case (Tony) reprised their roles from the touring production of West Side Story.

“When you’re a Jet,
You’re a Jet all the way,
From your first cigarette,
To your last dyin’ day.”

Several curtain calls later the boyz headed to Greg’s for a sugar-free, low fat, dairy treat.

Hey... it’s been a blast resurrecting the trash over the last year but time has come for me to retire my notepad. If there are any aspiring Bombecks, Twains... or Leacocks out there please let Wet 'n Dirty know. (Hmmm... while we’re at, it let’s see if we can wrestle the hash throat away from Humpday.)

I’d like to thank Shadow, Humpday, Dead End, New Shoez and the rest of you half minds for providing fodder for the trash and being such good sports. I’d also like to thank the International Union of Vodka Distillers for making my job easy. Props are also due to Back Door Buzz for posting your trashes promptly within a week or two minutes of receiving them and also to my proof-reader who always got it write corect.

May the hash go in peace...