I was thinking about blowing off the Monday Hash then I remembered it was Humpday’s inauguration as GM. I figured I might as well check it out. No way he could be as bad as ummm, what’s her name.
As it happens, the hash was almost washed out. It seems immediately after setting trail, a wicked thunderstorm rolled through the City of York. Not only did it eliminate all evidence of chalk and unbleached flour but one vicious lightning strike nearly decapitated our new GM. Hopefully we’ll have better luck next time. Of course it could all have been avoided if he watched time tested Dave Devall instead of the young upstart Michael Kuss.
After a pep talk from his hashing mentor, Humpday was encouraged to reset the trail live. This left chalk talk in the capable hands of newly reinstalled Religious Advisor Rose Eh.
The trail headed south, then across the beltline (the last place we saw Shadow), then south again to the Cedarvale ravine. Here the pack skirted the icky phosphorescent green swamp before ascending the steps at the Glen Cedar Bridge. Sweaty, panting and out of breath they relieved some local stoners of their stash before pushing on. Across Bathurst the half minds came face to face with a closed door. At this point Wet Pussy braved a deadly precipice to find an alternate route around the obstacle while the more astute New Shoez simply pushed the unlocked door open and allowed the pack to follow.
Shortly before the Beer Check Rose Eh attempted to channel Doug Henning and use yogic flying to avoid a patch of leafy green underbrush. Unfortunately her Kama and her Sutra were not aligned and she had to run through it with the rest of the masses. Looks like its back to the Maharishi for her.
The beer check was held in a shady nook beside a creek about 100 paces from the St. Clair West Subway Station. For some inexplicable reason the walkers Sex Toy, Cougar and Robin Wood were first to arrive with Moonman heading the rest of the crowd. Latecummer Wet ‘n Dirty managed to slip in mid pack leaving Hogtown virgin Just Hector and his cell phone to wipe up the rear.
At the beer check, the GM handed out TTC tokens. This was not just so the pack could get back to Li Cheng but to prove that shy and retiring Robin Wood could ride the subway without being arrested.
Back at the on-in the wonderful women of Li Cheng handed out a special Hogtown Menu. I ordered the yummy, stuffed beaver.
At his first circle Humpday handed out a whole mess of down downs...
Schoolmarm Just Sara for having the common sense to avoid trail
Hand Maiden Back Door Buzz for snacking on trail
Cougar for successfully hosting the first TWAT-ASS (Toronto Women’s Alternate Thursday and Sometimes Saturday) Pink Dress Run
Bird Brain for leaving his underwear hanging from Sex Toy’s chandelier (Atta boy)
Webwanker Casket Case for defending Hogtown’s honour against an unprovoked attack by a pesky beaver
Fleet footed Flyer for representin’ hashers foolhardy enough to run 10K in 34 degree heat
Soft spoken Hash ophthalmologist Robin Wood for buggering Humpday at the beer check
Shadow for looking at Birdbrian’s dick
Yada yada yada...
RA Rose Eh handed out her first prick of the week award to Humpday ironically for forgetting about the prick of the week award.
After a rather harsh hash blessing from the new GM the inmates dug into heaps of cheap Chinese food and $9.50 pitchers of Amber. Post dinner entertainment was provided by Sex Toy who used her tongue as a kegel muscle to demonstrate why older women should pee with the seat up. Thanks for that Sex Toy.