It was a beautiful day for Johnny Cockring’s 3rd annual 69th birthday party. This event has become one of the highlights of the summer social calendar. Arriving Chez Cockring it was nice to see that a large crowd of hashers could behave themselves in polite company.  

I was thrilled that Zig Zig made an appearance. Apparently he had spent 21 days enjoying the hospitality of Brampton General after mistaking a concrete pillar for a soccer ball. Other big time back sliders included Eager Beaver who’s been spear fishing for muskie in Muskoka, Deep Throat who’s been putting in real miles, and Swiney Whiney visiting all the way from Pickering.

After some pre hash carb loading, the pack gathered on the street where feeble minded GM Humpday introduced the hare, gave brief instructions and sent the mixed up mob on their way.

The trail headed north past Resthaven Memorial Gardens and through a vacant lot where Wet Pussy tried to recreate the Mud Run with the help of Eager Beaver, Cougar and Wet ‘n Dirty. After cleaning their shoes on the steps of the Scarborough Go Station the pack followed the call of Sweet Cheeks and his hash horn across Kingston Road to Rosetta McClain Park.

From here it was a short jaunt to someone’s back yard where a variety of martinis were waiting to be consumed. This lovely setting was enhanced when the talented Pearl Necklace offered to show me her thigh and Hand Maiden Back Door Buzz “accidently” poured a Peach martini down his shirt and asked me to lick it off.

After averaging half a dozen drinks, we wobbled to the beer check on the bluffs high above Lake Ontario. While most of the pack strained to see Rochester, Humpday was laying on his back trying to catch a glimpse of free range beaver.

Finally, more than 2 hours later, we arrived back at 69 Kelsonia where circle was held beside the pool. Down downs were awarded for a number of infractions including Just Steve for being FRB and Shadow for being DFL... again. That’s quite an accomplishment when you figure there were at least a dozen non hashers on trail

Pearl Necklace and Back Door Buzz for being CT’s

Moonman for doing his best Esther Williams imitation

Ra for proposing to Deep Throat (This led to a battle of the down down titans which Ra won handily.)

Wet Pussy would have got one for leading young girls astray but he was busy at the bbq

The GM handed the circle to Johnny Cockring who kept beermeister Cougar hopping. Johnny gave down down’s to his friends, relatives and alumni of Cedarbrae Collegiate (where he spent the best 6 years of his life).

The large number of down down’s also kept new choirmistress Moist Leatherette on her toes. She passed the test with flying pigs.  Her extensive back catalogue has made us forget about lame ass what’s his name already.

Before Johnny left to tune his air guitar, Ra presented him with an oversized card signed by all. Well at least all the half minds who can write.

Religious advisor Rose Eh wrapped up the circle with her choice of Just Keith for Prick of the Week. Unfortunately Just Keith had already left so she picked another of Johnny’s generic friends. Rose Eh had to endure some tough competition from a couple of Johnny’s well lubricated rugby buddies. We must be losing our touch because I think it’s the first time that non hashers have been more drunk and obnoxious than us. Touchez!

After circle and well into the night, Hogtown enjoyed the fine food prepared by Sandy Cockring (ouch!) followed by the wonderful shooters mixed by the delightful Cockring children.

Special thanks to Wet Pussy and Pearl Necklace who found Humpday confused and wandering around Midland and Eglinton at 1:00 am... and dumped him in a ditch outside Woodbridge. Also a shout out to Casket Case for the sacrifices he made to give the Hogtown website a wonderful new look. Yay.