The Unofficial PghH3 New Year's Quiz

1. You are a virgin, and you left the South Side Pub Crawl crying because:

a) Wedgie wouldn't let you play with his balls or give you a piggyback ride.
b) The Tequila/Fire & Ice/Beer mixed drinks you poured for yourself in Bitchy's loft were starting to give you a tummy ache.
c) You lost your cell phone and couldn't call your dealer.
d) The floor punched you in the face.

2. You are Whiff, and you fell off the chair you were standing on during Down Downs because:

a) RA-ing uses up a lot of oxygen and you suddenly felt dizzy.
b) A pitcher full of beer jumped off the table and you tried to save it.
c) The spandex pants you were wearing made you think you could fly like Peter Pan.
d) You don't remember falling off the chair. Therefore it never happened. Everyone who supposedly "witnessed" this incident is obviously suffering from some mass hallucination.

3. You are Pussy Whipped, and you took your kilt off and attempted to dance on a bar because:

a) You saw the bartender load a new roll of film into her camera.
b) The wool scarf really made your genitals itch.
c) You didn't get a callback after your Riverdance audition.
d) You were re-enacting your favorite scene from "Braveheart".

4. You are still Pussy Whipped, and you "jumped" off the bar because:

a) You couldn't find a bridge.
b) Your thumb was giving you attitude and you decided to beat it up.
c) You wanted to find out what it feels like to be dropped on your face.
d) Since Riverdance rejected you, you were hoping the Nude Circe du Soliel Tour might accept your Beer Glass Juggling act instead.

5. You are Just Mike, and you ran the NYE trail covered in Christmas lights because:

a) All of the other hashers, used to laugh and call you names.
b) You were sick of hearing people say that you're not very bright.
c) You'd do just about anything to get named (as long as it doesn't involve Moon and being naked).
d) You were hoping a hot harriette might mistake your face for a landing strip.

6. You are Ear of the Sperm, and your tongue got frozen to the ass of a statue because:

a) It's a great way to exfoliate your taste buds.
b) The Outback Steakhouse bartender confiscated your vibrating pager and you needed another way to finish satisfying your animal urges.
c) Coxstroker convinced you the statue was made of hard dark chocolate.
d) Your pimp told you that all baseball players love a good ass licking.

7. You are Moon and Speedbump, and you cut the NYE trail short because:

a) You wanted to see just how long a bunch of half-minds would wait on a dock for a boat that didn't exist.
b) The Outback's pagers got you all hot and bothered, and you wanted to go back to Trolls to have some private time together.
c) You couldn't find any fireworks to ruin.
d) Drag Queen forgot to bring his porn on trail and you were experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms.

8. You are Rusty Prick and Wedgie, and you decided to dress up as pimps because:

a) You're jealous of Bad Gay Porn Scene's cool name.
b) You've ingested too many diet pills and think you're back in the '70's.
c) You secretly love shopping at Goodwill.
d) It's the only way you can say "Yo! You nasty Ho!" to a harriette without getting slapped in the face.

9. You are a fork. If you were at Trolls on NYE, in which of the following locations would you have been found:

a) Women's bathroom. Third stall from the left. Sanitary napkin dispenser.
b) Bad Gay Porn Scene's afro.
c) On the floor. (Having been kicked out of Bad Gay Porn Scene's afro due to overcrowding.)
d) Back in Bad Gay Porn Scene's afro - chillin' with the cigarettes and potato chips.

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