First anal TWAT Pink Dress Run - Hash Trash
Saturday, June 7, 2008
About 40 hashers made their way to the June Rowlands Park in North Toronto donned in Pink dresses ready for an afternoon of hashing like a girl.
Just as we circled up for Chalk talk, Johnny Cockring made her usual late entrance and gave everyone the first noteworthy show of the day – her bright white Dr. Denton’s.
Chalk talk first introduced the brave visitors – Dicks In My Ass from Eerie, PA, Mount Me in the Mud from Buffalo, NY, Whip It Out from Ann Arbor/Motown, Michigan, Mrs. Robinson and Butt Ugly from Tobermory and last by certainly not least the coordinating Mr. And Mrs. Just – Just my Size and her Virgin husband, Just Ben (from several places starting in Atlanta, GA).
Cougar then gave all the TWAT runners erections and on-on we went meandering through the hash ghetto to the first Hash Halt. The light went on first for Humpday outside the Eglinton Subway station when she asked brightly – are we goin’ on the subway? She is so smart!
Further erections were handed out and the TWATs all made their way into the bowels of the city and took the fallopian tube on-on to Wellesley station. Large fast missiles speeding under the city is just too exciting for many a hasher and wearing pink dresses in the crowded subway just does not draw enough attention so a group of hashers from car 5453 felt it imperative to jump cars at the first stop alerting security of our presence (just in case we might have gone unnoticed). Once security had blown their angry wad, a beauty contest was carried out with the willing participation of civilians and the prize went to Doo Hicky sporting a clingy fuchsia number with frills all running down her front. I believe Wet Spot thought she was a shoe-in and she is still licking her emotionally scared wounds about that.
Dung Dodger made the stupid mistake of traveling alone with Cougar and once the train arrived and they disembarked, she immediately went in front of Cougar. A pink dress may give you the right to be called a she, but it does not remove your male member so Dung Dodger was the first man-girl to don a nice big bra indicating to all TWAT hashers that she had violated the TWAT rules and tried to lead the pack.
Trail went on through downtown Hogtown and into the swanky Yorkville area where Wet Pussy was under the impression that her shoulder pads could make her a superhero. So she tried to stop a car that was nudging into pedestrians on the narrow, crowded street. Rude gestures and some bad words were exchanged, but the shoulder pads worked; no one was hurt except perhaps the sensitivities of the children in the back seat of the evil aggressive car.
TWATs were hot and sweaty, but FLAB and Sex Toy were just around the corner in a wee park waiting with beer, water and munchies. Tall-boys were appreciated by all and Flyer voluntarily gave up her naturally given TWAT-ness by admitting she did not know how to do up her bra. New Shoez then demonstrated happily with the bra that she earned by announcing earlier on that she was going to defy TWAT rules outright as she took off in front of the pack... Tsk tsk tsk.
Once all twats were sufficiently cooled and greased, trail split into Eagles and Turkeys. Turkeys hopped right back on the subway (lazy bitches) and the Eagles made their way up Yonge Street Eagley looking for more beer (Eagley - ya, that was bad).
At St. Clair Station, the Turkey TWATs all lined up single file behind hare Wet’n Dirty and gobbled their way to the first check outside the subway. Gobble gobble gobble on they went in search of beer.
Meanwhile the Eagles were making their way up north being honked at on Yonge Street by civilians; no doubt because of their athletic prowess. Flyer got very lost presumably in search of a bra that closes in the front but eventually she caught up with the pack.
Beer arrived at the 2nd check just a tad late and found a gaggle of gobbling goers. Once they spotted the approaching beer, the gobbling was quickly switched to a heart-rending chorus of More Beer More Beer. Ah, the memory warms my very soul.
Beer was not far for all the Eagle TWATs, either. They found the Turkeys basking in the shade under the St. Clair Bridge.
Once all had quenched their need for beer, Turkeys and Eagles officially reunited and made their way through the ravine, to a river crossing and into the beautiful Mount Pleasant cemetery. Flyer found the first the back check like the keener that she is. Trail made its way to the belt line and out onto Mount Pleasant road where another back check was awaiting. Prince Valium was the lucky sacrifice TWAT for that one. True trail crossed Mt Pleasant road without a light so Robin Wood, wearing a pink cape thought that he too was a superhero and stopped all kinds of cars for the pink clad crew to make their way over the road.
The mystery on-in was the re-decorated yard back of Sex Toy’s house. Many have hashed at Sex Toy’s, but sadly she laments that she has not done it in her back yard in a very long time. Down downs were plentiful including a special Canadian folk song by the hares for all to enjoy. Hares, BTW were Cougar, Sex Toy, FLAB, Wet ‘n Dirty and Robin Wood. Then the usual hash shit went on, vodka down downs for stupid foreigners and bashing without hashing for Bottom Scrawler, Wine Ho and Pearl Necklace.
H2Ho handed out some RA down downs including one for Mrs. Robinson for showing off her new pussy.
GM Cougar got bored with circle (or Oblong in this case) and totally left out best and worst costume (though the lines can never be clear in these things). For my money Drinkslikeagirl probably had worst costume – but those tight pink short shorts kinda blinded me. Also blinding were the glittery boobs on Johnny Cockring (it needs to be noted that she has worn that sexy number outside the hash – at a corporate event no less). DIMA was formal for us with a lovely floor length number complete with a pretty lace jacket. Double Header went with the superheroes and themed her costume – what a lovely pink princess she was. I think I would like to borrow Wet Spot’s sequined number and truly, I have no idea how FLAB did not perish from heat exhaustion in her damask number made with drapes.
Costume Kudos also go to Wet ‘n Dirty, Wet Pussy, Humpday and Bird Brian who wore their pinks the next day at the Mud Run – Canada’s Dirtiest 10k. There’s some courage.
Bad behaviour continued through the night and I am sure into the wee hours, but this writer has no recollection past food (made by the hares –everyone feeling okay?). I think it is safe to say that a good time was had by all.
Until the second anal TWAT Pink Dress Run, On-on